In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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