it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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