Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
