the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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