he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When are your genitals available?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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