wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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