and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
