Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
