my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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