also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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