Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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