She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
