Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
