She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
