GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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