I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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