Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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