I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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