I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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