What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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