ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
