i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
