What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
