I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
