Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
