I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
