Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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