roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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