: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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