no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
