Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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