I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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