I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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