im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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