I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
