So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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