Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
