He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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