It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
