I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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