I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
