I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
