Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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