What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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