Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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