i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
