I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
