so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
