I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i think i just naturally attract stoners
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
