Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I would ride that face into the sunset
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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