I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
