My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That accounts for only three of the penises
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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