Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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