I just pynch a tree in the face
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
