i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
