this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
