Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
