I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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