I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
