new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
