Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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