So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
