Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
