my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
