Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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