i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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