There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
