It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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