This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Found your dick twin last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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