Your mouth is God's brothel.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
this hospital has no fireball
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
