The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
