I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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