Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
