get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
