I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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