I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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