i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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