Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
