But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
