i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
