so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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